red swooshed

back sleepy. rainscare rainscar. sleeplessness fulfilled. feeling the cyclic repetition. longish walk, like yest midnight. delirious. record+play. the eyes. the infinity eyes, how could one not have loved them, Neruda? the touch that would have killed spacetime constraints. the convulsions. how big are they.! how study ex-am?! but "why" seems to me be the more important quest-ion. how can one not question the questions we seems to question. thats a terrible trifle too.. dont remember those dreams i might ve seen. but how do you see it? is it a paint? getting closer to sociophobic monomania. might almost possess a digi sell are dslr and a gramophone and and.. all that in a week may be..! look closer..! read all Freud, atleast some an year ago looking forward to feel well.. trifles.. trifles. may be i ve to read.. ruskolnikov still with me..

stressors

anothere stressfilled stressors. watched mb's new telugu moveie. expenscive second show. ll buy it gramaphone soon. i ve walked with the same shadow for a long since..
free mobil services: www.mytoday.com. "bliss if there is, was it not there? "

dil se..

what else will come this time if not from dil se..no. its not humor. just another pressing night about to sleep night that has ended me "embedded" in a computer.on the bed. i remember an year. an year ago or so. but this is not bday or anything. if only i can space back the time i would space it back so that the time is spaced in http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4787286485585051395
Blogger: Dreams with in the dreams - Create Postsuch a way that i dont type aphostaphy ' less things. well,, ahh..well.. the is means grabblering. but i am still so close to things you see.. sleeplessly close. ruminating an year old thoughts that have sunk into the depths of a thing thats not any oceanic deep thing, would probably mean this: rumination. its better than urination: for one simple reason : that is rumination is this and not anything else. a fan a light and a carrot halwa.! no. not kidding. they .them i am ruminating with quiet a deep precision trying to observe the same miniature-of-spacetime-warp that always existed online and look into those unobservable unobserved aspects i might have unruminated uneaten an year ago.10 monce ago. 320 days roughly ago! 'God! you look like a maniac'!i have stopped caring you see.. in depths no.. how ambiguously you write?! it has a reason too.. this i'd nt explain myself too though i know it.only i might know how intimate double solitude it had been, by choice, the only choicely, still i like it. if i were to psychoanalyze wat i write now.. i would not do it.may be i'd do it in a while. i'd not touch upon them and depress myself anymore.. haha.. how funny! "u know" how can i unremember again n again. its a red cross legged bright sunny sunsetty pinkish look. and a colourfull pale faced sicklikelooking notreallysickbut beautiful spectacle of stressor. let me come to the present.. or may be a littl back for a some days or daze or so..nothing changed changed never: a terrible beauty is dead..i cant sleep again. i like some things thou: somethings and all now.. i search insearch of a smile finally sotosmile myself too.. i might laugh it again. ambiguous laughter that i dedicate to my love: iself

..........

2 comrades walking on road. one says to other "Your obsession is my compulsion." the other says "oh! how morbid!" true it is sir. well things cant compel more as they do during the psychology end semester that leaves a cathartic unawe. vennela vee vennela vee minaae daati vasthaavae..projection! simone the b.existing. exciting. left the hole-y room for almost days except for an unpleasant sleepless psychology night. not bad performance this time.. addicting to tamil version of vennila ve. understandable telugu melodic tamil. still unsleep.

late nights mostly as they do leave dilurius. now its seems to ve possessed by the gream xyz.me. eyes still active.though much is left un seen. half completed the half watched full desire longago watched movie. sagara sangamam. union of rivers. under the closed walls light and darkness i watch it half here,now and forever. those striking phrases i could never be able to not remember. here now foever. nice movie as i wanted it to b. he is a drinker. heavy drinker. dancer. and she.? she a photographer or ssomething like that. she looks nice and he too.kamalhasn and that jayaprada girl. nice songs too. lyrics. brathuku nithya nruthyam..:life is a continuous dance..goodmorning.ribs aches. its already 2!thapanuni kiranam!thaamasa haranam. narthana mee shiva kavacham! randomised lirycs..
i realise i am big now.goddambig. more than 19years. how emotionally scary it feels! hah. eybastard.listen. just chumma watch it. no crys shall be entertained. remember srisri??mahakavi.
ah. may be this blog is a dream,so is my adulthood and philosophies and soon and soon. i nomore ,i confess i nomore choke. but.shit. how scary. pablo neruda's saddest poem. may be,i still .. ....!
... is short. forgetting is soooo long. thr infinite eyes.and darkness of the hairy air that smelled on like a fresly washed herbal leaves. how stupid. that medicine was sometimes less scary.alteast i could close all options. thats stupid too. whats not so stupid? unrationale existance. true.
movies are some movies are dreams of timespaces we live in.by the time i find where wall is on facebook, its almost seeming impossible to be found by me...for someimes i knownot whats done by me. and stop talks for hours.hours of limitless dreams. not so remembered ones. suffering. i feel spiteful. chumma i feel it. but noone knows what lies beneath beyond chumma. its 3. cant sleep anywhy.out of internet so manydays.online so many hours. binaries dont exist. they exist. this itslf binarily opposed. harping on my illogic again. surrealhumor!what a word?! logic of existance: nothingness. chumma being philosophical and all?! bastard. what to do tomorro.? is almost 4. not tomorro.today. get to sleep and wake up undepressed thats very nice. suitcase tv with typewriter you get means so much nakkaraass yu do ra. yes.people even mail me asking to come to partyss. how sad! hehe..watching it again.the rest of it.while it rests again and again.

Sagara Sangamam - Movie

watching movie from here only.link adjacant.almost watched. what a powerfilled end at the end.eyestriking thing.he dies off. movie by vishwanath. mixture of absurdities yet stron emotional touch. its almoct early mourning.,like everyday.
the thing is head is heavy. tomorrow becomes today and tomorrow was day after. so. psyc exam tomorro. devarahul-an old science frind- devarahul wants cargo pants from me from here to be purchased.triffles in head. ripples in eyes. trffles in head ripples in bed nipples in eyes.letsl lie down to sleep now..

terrible buty

hehe.. terrible? eh.. trying watch movie online. kamalhasans dance movie. balchandar absurdism came out in another dancemaster movie i watched. still trying ruskolnikov of dustohwisky. slept and nice. still lyin down. streaming it online. remembering vikram.searching him online. got my 4th vcd copy of hazaron.
..almost lost again now

what things?!
'd watch sometime again. now movie festival.: sagarasangamam. which i vaguely remember from childhood. thakita thadhimi thakita thandaana..

lone

today. quiet alone for sometime. as unusual. kinda scare. scar. yes scary scar. i do mean. feeling very thinking about those things that dellude me. so ran out. desperately distracting. so opening nothing. lonely hole. room. its so romantic. the room. perfect literature piece it is, for it creates intense emotions in me. scary solitude of free associations that had passed by long ago. its as if time has stopped at that point of time thats delusional. tried to sleep off badly listening songs.! happens does it?? no. sir. please. well. you say psychology is shit?! exam tomorrow. how psychological?! delusions. ah.. let them come. let them come. pains. trains and chains. sri sri. sri sri let you go! o poet i loved.! let you go. with those thak thak telugu poems. oh how sad.! may be nothing happened after it. its just a day that passed. or as i aware myself of its monce that passed. monce and months. monce. weeks. weex and cracks in the head. no thing nothing will move again.
todays achievement: started and completed Dostyovsky's. i even forget how to spell it. started reading The Dream of a Ridiculous Man. and completed. and sitting here out of.. i forgot that word.

..

scream of consciousness interests recent.
http://chainofthoughts.com/

http://c3f.com/mostfh01.html

fun. reading ruskolnikov. exam somewhen

poretic

kjaag! how poetically positively morbid i felt yesterday?! listened to meera. (!)
long roads, poetic walks.
bad mov(i)e yeaterday! i am positively irritated at times..
the evening roads. forget as if you read nothing.walkon with ... n ... ."..missed..not remembered..cant read" here lies it forgotten: yellow and black walking evening. pergrjhliks wikes up.(??) let them, let them. this leaf, this plant i forgot.let me remember. parthenium. it smells still. evening butterflies. even-ing . evening autos. evening flying planes. guthka packets, torn cigarretts unburnt cloth.: signifying nothing. sixty kilometers. fat staring eyes. dglovesymbols. mice the cesne.(??). staring auto eyes. yellow shirts. empty words. clappng hearts.shy from empty words.thoughts. dead syntax. meaningless thoughts.
trying to capture rawly forming words as they form in head.

walk talk and more. walks on solitude

manys

a's session. nice intellectual mast. abt absurdism and irrational rationale. and God. lady god. so on so on. he says there's nothing in the world thats absurd. after few words he opposes it.how absurd! :) not feels like going back all way aunt alone. stays back somewhere whereever whoever welcomes. as fo now none. may be my own room little. very deeppressive. doesn matter much. may be no other proper option. godse's defence. reading trying. nothing much. wanting a camera.
Godse's court words last :

"I now stand before the court to accept the full share of my responsibility for what I have done and the judge would, of course, pass against me such orders of sentence as may be considered proper. But I would like to add that I do not desire any mercy to be shown to me, nor do I wish that anyone else should beg for mercy on my behalf. My confidence about the moral side of my action has not been shaken even by the criticism levelled against it on all sides. I have no doubt that honest writers of history will weigh my act and find the true value thereof some day in future.
-NATHURAM GODSE"

what

what kids talk in aroom? with none around engaged in room cleaning.
..' and its very fun making your clothe wet no.. ! any ones..
water please/ you shd do/ stchh/ :water splash:/ i wish i dint wear a long skirt today/ ah.. ahhh../ actually its so funn/ hey its dring/ lets do it faster./ i'm slipping./ do like this idiot:thak thak:/ i ve one idea/ i need more water.. .wtrrrrrr..

.

UNWANTING to write. wanna have my kaemara. long since i had one. want a gramophone record. as old as possible. i ll buy it today. or may be within a month. i bet so. i bet myself so. reading crime n punisment.