red swooshed

back sleepy. rainscare rainscar. sleeplessness fulfilled. feeling the cyclic repetition. longish walk, like yest midnight. delirious. record+play. the eyes. the infinity eyes, how could one not have loved them, Neruda? the touch that would have killed spacetime constraints. the convulsions. how big are they.! how study ex-am?! but "why" seems to me be the more important quest-ion. how can one not question the questions we seems to question. thats a terrible trifle too.. dont remember those dreams i might ve seen. but how do you see it? is it a paint? getting closer to sociophobic monomania. might almost possess a digi sell are dslr and a gramophone and and.. all that in a week may be..! look closer..! read all Freud, atleast some an year ago looking forward to feel well.. trifles.. trifles. may be i ve to read.. ruskolnikov still with me..

stressors

anothere stressfilled stressors. watched mb's new telugu moveie. expenscive second show. ll buy it gramaphone soon. i ve walked with the same shadow for a long since..
free mobil services: www.mytoday.com. "bliss if there is, was it not there? "

dil se..

what else will come this time if not from dil se..no. its not humor. just another pressing night about to sleep night that has ended me "embedded" in a computer.on the bed. i remember an year. an year ago or so. but this is not bday or anything. if only i can space back the time i would space it back so that the time is spaced in http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4787286485585051395
Blogger: Dreams with in the dreams - Create Postsuch a way that i dont type aphostaphy ' less things. well,, ahh..well.. the is means grabblering. but i am still so close to things you see.. sleeplessly close. ruminating an year old thoughts that have sunk into the depths of a thing thats not any oceanic deep thing, would probably mean this: rumination. its better than urination: for one simple reason : that is rumination is this and not anything else. a fan a light and a carrot halwa.! no. not kidding. they .them i am ruminating with quiet a deep precision trying to observe the same miniature-of-spacetime-warp that always existed online and look into those unobservable unobserved aspects i might have unruminated uneaten an year ago.10 monce ago. 320 days roughly ago! 'God! you look like a maniac'!i have stopped caring you see.. in depths no.. how ambiguously you write?! it has a reason too.. this i'd nt explain myself too though i know it.only i might know how intimate double solitude it had been, by choice, the only choicely, still i like it. if i were to psychoanalyze wat i write now.. i would not do it.may be i'd do it in a while. i'd not touch upon them and depress myself anymore.. haha.. how funny! "u know" how can i unremember again n again. its a red cross legged bright sunny sunsetty pinkish look. and a colourfull pale faced sicklikelooking notreallysickbut beautiful spectacle of stressor. let me come to the present.. or may be a littl back for a some days or daze or so..nothing changed changed never: a terrible beauty is dead..i cant sleep again. i like some things thou: somethings and all now.. i search insearch of a smile finally sotosmile myself too.. i might laugh it again. ambiguous laughter that i dedicate to my love: iself

..........

2 comrades walking on road. one says to other "Your obsession is my compulsion." the other says "oh! how morbid!" true it is sir. well things cant compel more as they do during the psychology end semester that leaves a cathartic unawe. vennela vee vennela vee minaae daati vasthaavae..projection! simone the b.existing. exciting. left the hole-y room for almost days except for an unpleasant sleepless psychology night. not bad performance this time.. addicting to tamil version of vennila ve. understandable telugu melodic tamil. still unsleep.

late nights mostly as they do leave dilurius. now its seems to ve possessed by the gream xyz.me. eyes still active.though much is left un seen. half completed the half watched full desire longago watched movie. sagara sangamam. union of rivers. under the closed walls light and darkness i watch it half here,now and forever. those striking phrases i could never be able to not remember. here now foever. nice movie as i wanted it to b. he is a drinker. heavy drinker. dancer. and she.? she a photographer or ssomething like that. she looks nice and he too.kamalhasn and that jayaprada girl. nice songs too. lyrics. brathuku nithya nruthyam..:life is a continuous dance..goodmorning.ribs aches. its already 2!thapanuni kiranam!thaamasa haranam. narthana mee shiva kavacham! randomised lirycs..
i realise i am big now.goddambig. more than 19years. how emotionally scary it feels! hah. eybastard.listen. just chumma watch it. no crys shall be entertained. remember srisri??mahakavi.
ah. may be this blog is a dream,so is my adulthood and philosophies and soon and soon. i nomore ,i confess i nomore choke. but.shit. how scary. pablo neruda's saddest poem. may be,i still .. ....!
... is short. forgetting is soooo long. thr infinite eyes.and darkness of the hairy air that smelled on like a fresly washed herbal leaves. how stupid. that medicine was sometimes less scary.alteast i could close all options. thats stupid too. whats not so stupid? unrationale existance. true.
movies are some movies are dreams of timespaces we live in.by the time i find where wall is on facebook, its almost seeming impossible to be found by me...for someimes i knownot whats done by me. and stop talks for hours.hours of limitless dreams. not so remembered ones. suffering. i feel spiteful. chumma i feel it. but noone knows what lies beneath beyond chumma. its 3. cant sleep anywhy.out of internet so manydays.online so many hours. binaries dont exist. they exist. this itslf binarily opposed. harping on my illogic again. surrealhumor!what a word?! logic of existance: nothingness. chumma being philosophical and all?! bastard. what to do tomorro.? is almost 4. not tomorro.today. get to sleep and wake up undepressed thats very nice. suitcase tv with typewriter you get means so much nakkaraass yu do ra. yes.people even mail me asking to come to partyss. how sad! hehe..watching it again.the rest of it.while it rests again and again.

Sagara Sangamam - Movie

watching movie from here only.link adjacant.almost watched. what a powerfilled end at the end.eyestriking thing.he dies off. movie by vishwanath. mixture of absurdities yet stron emotional touch. its almoct early mourning.,like everyday.
the thing is head is heavy. tomorrow becomes today and tomorrow was day after. so. psyc exam tomorro. devarahul-an old science frind- devarahul wants cargo pants from me from here to be purchased.triffles in head. ripples in eyes. trffles in head ripples in bed nipples in eyes.letsl lie down to sleep now..

terrible buty

hehe.. terrible? eh.. trying watch movie online. kamalhasans dance movie. balchandar absurdism came out in another dancemaster movie i watched. still trying ruskolnikov of dustohwisky. slept and nice. still lyin down. streaming it online. remembering vikram.searching him online. got my 4th vcd copy of hazaron.
..almost lost again now

what things?!
'd watch sometime again. now movie festival.: sagarasangamam. which i vaguely remember from childhood. thakita thadhimi thakita thandaana..

lone

today. quiet alone for sometime. as unusual. kinda scare. scar. yes scary scar. i do mean. feeling very thinking about those things that dellude me. so ran out. desperately distracting. so opening nothing. lonely hole. room. its so romantic. the room. perfect literature piece it is, for it creates intense emotions in me. scary solitude of free associations that had passed by long ago. its as if time has stopped at that point of time thats delusional. tried to sleep off badly listening songs.! happens does it?? no. sir. please. well. you say psychology is shit?! exam tomorrow. how psychological?! delusions. ah.. let them come. let them come. pains. trains and chains. sri sri. sri sri let you go! o poet i loved.! let you go. with those thak thak telugu poems. oh how sad.! may be nothing happened after it. its just a day that passed. or as i aware myself of its monce that passed. monce and months. monce. weeks. weex and cracks in the head. no thing nothing will move again.
todays achievement: started and completed Dostyovsky's. i even forget how to spell it. started reading The Dream of a Ridiculous Man. and completed. and sitting here out of.. i forgot that word.

..

scream of consciousness interests recent.
http://chainofthoughts.com/

http://c3f.com/mostfh01.html

fun. reading ruskolnikov. exam somewhen

poretic

kjaag! how poetically positively morbid i felt yesterday?! listened to meera. (!)
long roads, poetic walks.
bad mov(i)e yeaterday! i am positively irritated at times..
the evening roads. forget as if you read nothing.walkon with ... n ... ."..missed..not remembered..cant read" here lies it forgotten: yellow and black walking evening. pergrjhliks wikes up.(??) let them, let them. this leaf, this plant i forgot.let me remember. parthenium. it smells still. evening butterflies. even-ing . evening autos. evening flying planes. guthka packets, torn cigarretts unburnt cloth.: signifying nothing. sixty kilometers. fat staring eyes. dglovesymbols. mice the cesne.(??). staring auto eyes. yellow shirts. empty words. clappng hearts.shy from empty words.thoughts. dead syntax. meaningless thoughts.
trying to capture rawly forming words as they form in head.

walk talk and more. walks on solitude

manys

a's session. nice intellectual mast. abt absurdism and irrational rationale. and God. lady god. so on so on. he says there's nothing in the world thats absurd. after few words he opposes it.how absurd! :) not feels like going back all way aunt alone. stays back somewhere whereever whoever welcomes. as fo now none. may be my own room little. very deeppressive. doesn matter much. may be no other proper option. godse's defence. reading trying. nothing much. wanting a camera.
Godse's court words last :

"I now stand before the court to accept the full share of my responsibility for what I have done and the judge would, of course, pass against me such orders of sentence as may be considered proper. But I would like to add that I do not desire any mercy to be shown to me, nor do I wish that anyone else should beg for mercy on my behalf. My confidence about the moral side of my action has not been shaken even by the criticism levelled against it on all sides. I have no doubt that honest writers of history will weigh my act and find the true value thereof some day in future.
-NATHURAM GODSE"

what

what kids talk in aroom? with none around engaged in room cleaning.
..' and its very fun making your clothe wet no.. ! any ones..
water please/ you shd do/ stchh/ :water splash:/ i wish i dint wear a long skirt today/ ah.. ahhh../ actually its so funn/ hey its dring/ lets do it faster./ i'm slipping./ do like this idiot:thak thak:/ i ve one idea/ i need more water.. .wtrrrrrr..

.

UNWANTING to write. wanna have my kaemara. long since i had one. want a gramophone record. as old as possible. i ll buy it today. or may be within a month. i bet so. i bet myself so. reading crime n punisment.

..

mountains mountains and mountains sees i as the world looked like a torrent and oh! how it looked.
p.s poem check.
computer offs and ons and nothing goes off my head
na me na yu. na this na that. nathing.
For the world, the world is a bunch of dreams and dreams are bunch of worlds.
what what is matters not. what where is matters not. why. why it is. quiet matterable. srisri phonks in my head like d. underground man. nada comes back as it goes back. its all nor a big deal sees i, after that 19-20 years of spiteful masturbation. The flame of tobacco moving red dress, dog, hair lights and unlitten dark streets of suddha gunta palya. candle lit whiskey faces. whiskey shops.telugu voices kannada noises. thoughtless lines lineless thoughts. nice book was it was. its still nice, as its not yet ended. "He was wearing an old and hopelessly ragged black dress coat, with all its buttons missing except one, and that one he had buttoned, evidently clinging to this last trace of respectability."
ruggedly nice piece.
whats that i search for in these meaning filled empty words.nothing. and suddenly these lines

"Good night," the other said. Turning off the electric light he continued the conversation with himself, It was the light of course but it is necessary that the place be clean and pleasant. You do not want music. Certainly you do not want music. Nor can you stand before a bar with dignity although that is all that is provided for these hours. What did he fear? It was not a fear or dread, It was a nothing that he knew too well. It was all a nothing and a man was a nothing too. It was only that and light was all it needed and a certain cleanness and order. Some lived in it and never felt it but he knew it all was nada y pues nada y naday pues nada. Our nada who art in nada, nada be thy name thy kingdom nada thy will be nada in nada as it is in nada. Give us this nada our daily nada and nada us our nada as we nada our nadas and nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada; pues nada. Hail nothing full of nothing, nothing is with thee. He smiled and stood before a bar with a shining steam pressure coffee machine.

blogger

psychey movie. not bad one. quiet unreal. they shoudnt ve killed him. anyways thats just a movie. dreaming badly since 25the setember. its nise. very terribly nise. memoirs comming abackk. trying hard to deviate: the most impossiblest thing. may be i should watch some movie in that theater. who 'd do psych project? your awwa? ajji? no. i love her. reading underground notes. trying to continue it. no money. no.. just dont feel like remembering my having it. terribly idiotic. may be idiocentric! bastard!@. drrams coming again. but this time not so terrible.cause i dont leave carbon particles anymore. laugh. laugh if you want. but thats exactly the opposite intention of what ia am tryiing to mean. today was a very nice day. i met the biggest king of the nine planets. dont talk rubbish. sorry. yeas. eyecheck up. they asked me to wear that invisible things. proffesional ethics. shivaji not so bad. a good translator helped me out this time, the third time. i could connect most parts of movie into one string. even that english movie that hide and seek. i can connect the events into chain somewhat. dada bangladeshing. good for me. to believ or not to believe psychology. no. its ok. dont. i am typing this for free unlike the other times. rahul. a very nice name. it sounds nice, not means:Rahul, a popular male name in India, has a variety of meanings. The earliest meaning found in the Upanishads is "conqueror of all miseries." Later use of the word is attributed to the , who named his son Rahul as he felt that family ties could be an obstacle in the path to renunciation and nirvana. The name Rahul mainly belongs to Hindu or Christian communities. Some Dictionaries also suggest th meaning of Rahul as someone who is "Able" or "Efficient". The earliest recorded use of the word Rahul is found in the Mundaka Upanishad, wherein the word is used as a synonym for the moon .

bbc.i wanna draw.

still

still depressed. jvd leaving. met kmr. watching shvji. shit. still d'd. cant talk any more., mostly. cant type too. phases taking over. hoping history to be absurd.
p.s- as dark as the con of man

link of the times

http://www.oikos.org/

http://www.antipsychiatry.org/

why

shouldnt ve attendead psyc. its as if he cuts me into pieces.my head!

werthers final letter

"Past eleven o'clock!  All is silent around me, and my soul is
calm.  I thank thee, O God, that thou bestowest strength and courage
upon me in these last moments!  I approach the window, my dearest
of friends; and through the clouds, which are at this moment driven
rapidly along by the impetuous winds, I behold the stars which
illumine the eternal heavens.  No, you will not fall, celestial
bodies: the hand of the Almighty supports both you and me!  I have
looked for the last time upon the constellation of the Greater
Bear: it is my favourite star; for when I bade you farewell at
night, Charlotte, and turned my steps from your door, it always
shone upon me.  With what rapture have I at times beheld it!  How
often have I implored it with uplifted hands to witness my felicity!
and even still -- But what object is there, Charlotte, which fails
to summon up your image before me?  Do you not surround me on all
sides? and have I not, like a child, treasured up every trifle
which you have consecrated by your touch?

"Your profile, which was so dear to me, I return to you; and I
pray you to preserve it.  Thousands of kisses have I imprinted
upon it, and a thousand times has it gladdened my heart on departing
from and returning to my home.

"I have implored your father to protect my remains.  At the corner
of the churchyard, looking toward the fields, there are two
lime-trees -- there I wish to lie.  Your father can, and doubtless
will, do this much for his friend.  Implore it of him.  But perhaps
pious Christians will not choose that their bodies should be
buried near the corpse of a poor, unhappy wretch like me.  Then
let me be laid in some remote valley, or near the highway, where
the priest and Levite may bless themselves as they pass by my
tomb, whilst the Samaritan will shed a tear for my fate.

"See, Charlotte, I do not shudder to take the cold and fatal cup,
from which I shall drink the draught of death.  Your hand presents
it to me, and I do not tremble.  All, all is now concluded: the
wishes and the hopes of my existence are fulfilled.  With cold,
unflinching hand I knock at the brazen portals of Death.  Oh, that
I had enjoyed the bliss of dying for you! how gladly would I have
sacrificed myself for you; Charlotte!  And could I but restore
peace and joy to your bosom, with what resolution, with what joy,
would I not meet my fate!  But it is the lot of only a chosen few
to shed their blood for their friends, and by their death to
augment, a thousand times, the happiness of those by whom they are
beloved.

"I wish, Charlotte, to be buried in the dress I wear at present:
it has been rendered sacred by your touch.  I have begged this
favour of your father.  My spirit soars above my sepulchre.  I
do not wish my pockets to be searched.  The knot of pink ribbon
which you wore on your bosom the first time I saw you, surrounded
by the children -- Oh, kiss them a thousand times for me, and
tell them the fate of their unhappy friend!  I think I see them
playing around me.  The dear children!  How warmly have I been
attached to you, Charlotte!  Since the first hour I saw you, how
impossible have I found it to leave you.  This ribbon must be
buried with me: it was a present from you on my birthday.  How
confused it all appears!  Little did I then think that I should
journey this road.  But peace!  I pray you, peace!

"They are loaded -- the clock strikes twelve.  I say amen.
Charlotte, Charlotte! farewell, farewell!"

...

was is. there. i. point? think?? eat!? hah?! starve! amzing so think you imitate irritate justless unpoint what are . bastard. hah! i. narsi? unpoint. ungood. idiot. good thinks so? no/. not it. undestand? no? ok.free assosaition? shit it. backing phase. what it? whats it may be. anantpur. school days. dada. oppose. undo. undid. schizo. unauthority. erase. shy? shit in public! or what yu want to more shy. ryc?? haha. dont kid. you re nt. who care? anyways. idealist?!? bastd! yu are. no i am not. may be you are not. so what. you are. yes. no. no. no. ok. why do you think? bastd?! act no!w. no point if you dont. whom is he speaking to? scaresd bastd! ok. die of.no. i'd. let it try happen agaiin. no idiot! i ll wait there n see if it happens., and see what happens. i tried waiting. nothing happened yesday. whhy there? anywhere.
ps-talk to blanknoisp. or other similar thing.
its ok. gone gone. do it not if seen. i can not stick to those gandhian ways anymore. c'mon. give gandhi a gun.
shit!
gbc

things to do

there's no point in what i learn or think.
trans form it.
its extremely ungood to not beat and harm
p.s- remember many times an hr

pps- nothing

boy

"once upon a t ime..." hehe its been long since i used those letters. mo ther calls. depressed."you shd strive yo attain 100 percent att.
poems unwritten
words unspoken
thought writtennot. poetic day it was for some strange reason. every september i seems to ve depressed during 20ths-25ths. haha. its all gad. may be. since 9th.
its ok nice onli but. thats the biological clocky shit it looks like, though i dont really believe in itr and know its all shit. getting soywerther. telugu internet guy.
i wanna write a poem too.
here and now.
the pointlessness of this
this very poem.
oh let it be.. mystery of heavens
and misery of helen's
random thoughless poems. let them be written by the most gratified souls to be born on this plannet.
ways in which its seen!
God! thanks to myself!
i dont believe in you.
how poetic i am.
oH lover of narsisiself
of me that had hidden the most worst schizophrenics ever.
or may be.,
may be its all a hypochondria.
oh isolated sole. haha lagh you do.
hoho cry you seek.
i will try to use my rude tongue and unrude tongue to address you.
my most irritating you., me!
comrade! oh red comrade!
i know knot of the self.
self. gibberish
utter gibber i type.
rubbish. rubbish rubbish!
i walk to talk to contradict.
trgrrrrr says the auto
i wanna type this word "auto" badly since two days.
so do i. gratify my wish.
wish thats childish. she was childish.haha
no! thats not what i mean.
i mean somethingelse. i bet i can never guess it again
eat shit and think like everyday.
break the monologue using another monoligue.
haha how funnyly intellectual you are!
i pity you! i love to pity you! i am falling in love with charlotte..
may be thats an empty sinifier.
haha. let there be mistakes: for, they arouse different signifieds.
haha. i laugh again.
may be, these are the funniest lines i can write for you.

cat sat on
a mat
next to cring man.

mouse!
mouse!
A computer muse!
thin thin
thing
tring.

bathroom slippers
slipped again
into my mouth,

wanna be haikus
flow out of my
hen.

i wanna pee
like a bee
in the see.,
i wanna laugh
like a dwarf
in a puff.
sense
scenes
seen,
auto auto auto.

the dead man
psychoanalysed God
with freud.

dead mans head
butter flys nest
singing songs

dead cigarettes
sexual godmen
dead dogs

crying baby
sitting on a broken tree
with a headless dog

Apsyched highs
haikus inside
underground inter nets

crying men
dying flemm
shitting bats

dog cat mat juxtaposing under the spreading chestnuttree

depressed. acquainted about hypochondria much closely. "what if person suffers from hypochondria of hypochondria..?" asks her.. thats a very nice paradox. its hard these times sometimes such as these when i press me. yes, i enjoy my face and all other things.. but there is something of me thats irritatable. yeah. its this that irritates me: the very fact that i can get irritated! hah! say it again?! yes "how can i get irritated?!" no. i may be amusing myself even now. but that might not be the true thing in my id. yes unconscious. but the truth is i feel something after a sometime. some nadaic thing. God! i amuse myself by irritating me. telling to myself that i cant get irritated no matter what and thus pull me into irrirtation. pull! goD! what a pull it was. i can still remember it! God! i dont think its true. may be.. these are the saddest lines i can write.. or the happiest. i no longer wanna call this blog Dreams within a dream..
i wanna call it free assosiations. may be i shall rename it if i feel normal. or rename it as that cause i wanna irritate myself. No! i am not so deterministic. yes. i am deterministic about pontificating myself. thats an amazing thing to do. well its a pleasurable thing. i wanna argue with rene Descartes. you say , i think, therefore i exist. sorry sir! i'd say. you think that you exist just because you exist and your brain exists and you have no other option but to not not think. what do you say, sir? yeah.. ok you say you give up.!?! but i dont cause i ve already given up. haha.. only if someone knows to psychoalize they 'd never know what this means. means..! i wanna see movies. !i wanna see. now. here and now..
i wanna type more.
my depression ends here!

h. completely moved. nicens food. mothers day today. one thing to notice is that i write short sentences with lot of errors and it feels unnice. its nice in a way. traffic jam. i wanna make my template. may be my 45 rs research on them is not going vain.blog designig complete.. thndhan. thdan. thats the sound coming outside which feels dhn dhan inside the heard. vinayak festival. what an attwempt. i might wanna retain this new template. it almost costs 100 rs! :). came back frm ap. shit happens. ! whaY? i dunno., watched movies. wanna watch some more. attendead two continouos classes. punjabi dhaba. full eating. no fud til now. tshe might visist this blog somewhen befor or after i post. :). feeling pleaent. extermely pleasent,. jus kidding. no chances of getting away friom lazyness or freud. he was a bastard. but n. dont blame. cause he was what hew was. he seems to explain how's. not why's.. ! thoo. {superego: dont show off too much! id:f- off! ego:??oh shit! too much libido!}. if you think its a show off again.!, nice. cuz i want you to think it other way. why will even someone try read this?!

trukwailas

started ap reluctantly yesterday. yesterdays yesterday. yea. seven o clock. unusual start. no direct bus. nice to sit next to the seatless bus's door. nice to feel the sword of the splashable wind. too wannabe inglish. ! no bus there on. onli lorry. home tenseion. lorry 50 rupees inda ullil its coming. so got in. with other 3-5 passangers. full rain. driver talks anantapurish accent. i too talk with certain unslangy way. cleaner a bay. lorry bad condition. no wipers that window cleaning ironic things. so this driver puts tobacco and wipes it all over window. nice technicq. ancient driverly techniq my thtah once did. with no wipers 100 km and full rain. lorry. 60kms next lorry stops. driver asks 50.i give. he drinks sitting on table i ate. mcdowels. with pepsi. leaves table. i find him lying down lorrry innside. phone off. home worries. i slept off. wakes up 3'0clock. lorry stopped. driver drunk slept. cleaner high on gutka. i getting down lorry. only to realise nothing would stop to sms. save my soul. :P . nice. :D very nice.! then what? some how reached home sleeplessly. and watched the hindi version of the check. i mean chek de.
thanks for typing and all that.
yours schizophrenically,
yourself.

come on! can a man... ... communiqueer over. horsly prince. one of the most inorganised brilliance lies there. beautiful journey. no extendead communication for a bigger while. early walkin waking. late coming. scari bustands... oh.oh. oh. absurdest absurdites. the context i left searched me there without actually entring my consciousness. sleepy and tired. very economical journey. realise my a and u were there yest. didnt see me! hah. that though is onli funny. i mean.. absurd. but still.. absurd things seems to would have been happening so rigourously in timespaces. any ways. horsly hills. yea.. and JAM was good fun, though i dint eat much bread. Well, when a joke's repeated its loosing its jokevalue. Asif its some real thing. its far better than nandi hills but. ahh.. i got so scared in bus station. thats not bad. absent signifier of all nice travails. We were luku actually to find ourselves in a ambassador car in the midst of buslessness and a small with gas cylenders abd driver that came with us for roughly 3-4 kms for 2 rs not each for all. then a car. then full roaming in midst of NO2 enn oo two nitrous oxide laughing gas. ! and talk and walk. pride telgu boy with unpride non telugu girls. Oh i forgot to type in the beginning. this is just a fictitious experience. i ll write this in the first may be. quaqua. twa thwa. like that beckett thing. communicare arry quizzeing. what shall i write says werther. ahhh.. that busstandthing. came back late.. ahhh that busmissing thing was quiet preposturous. then caught sumo with li'l kids inside. due to godliness and kids i sincierely believed that that guy and driver were nice and yes they were only that they took 150.the nice thing is that everythin is nice. and rain! Dog! how much i loved the rain there. may be due to no2. i don like it much in bang. i'm scared of it at times too. go to horseley hills for further information. belgam was also nice. ahh i might rite again. again about another things i might have forgotten.
http://wikitravel.org/en/Horsley_Hills

hazaron khwaishin aise liric translaton stealen from some blog

Thousands of desires, each worth dying for...
many of them I have realized...yet I yearn for more...

Why should my killer (lover) be afraid? No one will hold her responsible
for the blood which will continuously flow through my eyes all my life

We have heard about the dismissal of Adam from Heaven,
With a more humiliation, I am leaving the street on which you live...

Oh tyrant, your true personality will be known to all
if the curls of my hair slip through my turban!

But if someone wants to write her a letter, they can ask me,
every morning I leave my house with my pen on my ear.

In that age, I turned to drinking (alcohol)
and then the time came when my entire world was occupied by alcohol

From whom I expected justice/praise for my weakness
turned out to be more injured with the same cruel sword

When in love, there is little difference between life and death
we live by looking at the infidel who we are willing to die for

Put some pressure on your heart to remove that cruel arrow,
for if the arrow comes out, so will your heart...and your life.

For god's sake, don't lift the cover off any secrets you tyrant
the infidel might turn out to be my lover!

The preacher and the bar's entrance are way apart
yet I saw him entering the bar as I was leaving!

thousands of desires, each worth dying for...
many of them I have realized...yet I yearn for more

deep press singh

hah. i cant want beings to talk to me about me sometimes. if its someone like t r r its ok.
i dont change. therefore nothing is hidden. thoo.. its getting on to mai head damn head ya.

reminder: call sn
reminding me of myself lately. idly looks like a soaken dirty hanky. letters from werther "I leave this place to-morrow; and, as my native place is only six miles fromthe high road, I intend to visit it once more, and recall the happy dreams ofmy childhood. I shall enter at the same gate through which I came with mymother, when, after my father's death, she left that delightful retreat toimmure herself in your melancholy town. Adieu, my dear friend: you shall hearof my future career." goethe

walked walked. sticky marx. auto morning. walk evening. not to home. but to room. back here. 3 days railstations, bustand dormatries., no bath. no brush. only eat shit and pee. pee on roads. phobos!
its getting alrighitish. "freud is an f-word." "fuck is a freud word" :P. i am an i-word. how deliberate!?! fathr uncoming. shit. orkut looks like facebook. this is destruction of it. may be. destruction, not destruction. it looses its viriginality now. culture cuorse funny. spelling mistake of course!:P read this . media ethics course.

edit: this picture seems recently good. edit/edit/edit: geetas camera thanks.

RATATOUILLE

हाहा। निस मूवी। haha. nice movie. keyboard englished. its all about rats and cooks. wanna be rats wanting to be cooks. one important shit in the movie. rats try justifying their hatred towards man-kind at certain points. i can see it as an opposition to certain greater stereotyped man kind being opposed by justifying rats and remy acting as representative of men in ratworld. but the more important thing is how the remy is shown as a rebel in ratkind and how it manifies the rats towards the end of it. how remy meets accident of meeting mankind and rebel against the larger ratviews about manunkind. it realizes the rat thats sleeping inside it towards the end of the movie and starts to be a rat again by steeling its food and ideally serving the ratkind, though it shows the guilt here and there. this protagonist trying to go againts its real identity of rat -at one level- and his-male voice,though genitals not shown- wanna be human nature lets human audiences to feel for remy and identify the humandom. i read somewhere too that said remy charcter somehow was made to shoe feminine ways of acting. Well, i think it does, too.. by bringing in two opposing hoods or kinds-or many hoods(like brotherhood. ) like remy has manhood thru voice and womanhood thru movemnt. it becomes ambiguous., may be., may be i think so. this remy also acts as a cook-man- and a rat. thats is two opposing characters. man kills rats and rats dont like men, or rats are not supposed to like men if at all they possess human conciousness. thus remy turns out to be an ambiguity at different levels. ahhh! shit. why do i analyse it? chumma! hehe.. yes, remy resolves all ambiguities of movie by manifying the rats and rattifying the men. subversion takes place. tyring day. classing about schiz. yesterday no day before yester. i:bye. x:bye,bye. I: i shall enter your consciousness in next 24 hrs. i dont think there's something like consciousness. or my consciousness feels at this point thinks there's no such thing as consciousness. or may be everyone believes there's something called consciousness. or its all nothing but a dream. this motif of dream reoccuring so many times in head. forum was all exciting 2 days back., hh.chumma telling. yesterdays peoploxymoroning was good laughun. {ghun pronounced fun}. who rebels in a movie is sometimes mostly an unrebel if you look at core qualification of relliousness that is painted in mainstreams. i wanna quote polics of language here(not written by george orwell. not that thing)



human,
look at the word. human. words are not dependently originated with things or reality. hu-man. man is stressed. which indirectly signifies hu-man oppression. language is as beautiful as ugly.
Look at he and she. S-he cant exist without he. cause She is made of S, and He. what a politics?! oppression is so inbuilt into things. Look at 'man' and Wo-man. May be that means man with a Wo or womb. thus wo-men cant exist with out men, cause w,o,m,e,n - m,e,n = w,o
wooh! womb. that mean to say women is nothing but womb without men. destruction of individual identity through language.
there's one good thing in indian languages. as far as i know , in telugu or hindi or in other languages..
man and women exists as separate entities. telugu: athadu(he) , aamae (she). woah!nope... hahaha.. in telugu manishi means man, i think. theres no such word for woman. only athadu(he) , aamae (she) looks like individualistic. so, that means the women is not even seen as a women to certain extent, cause the word that signifies woman doesnt really exist in old telugu. then.! sanskrit. i dont think manu wouldnot have craeted more oppressive tools.
so stupid..
but son and daughter exists as separate entities, which probably tells the social life of those individuals at that context of being a son or a daughter. thus son, and daughter are separate individuals from the point of view of father/mother. Again!hahaha.. look at it: father, mother. father and mother are supposed to take care of children or whatsoever with reference to children. Look at the way the words are constructed: fat: her Mot: her.. hahah: her, refers to responsibilities of father and mother, evoking a feminine spirit in both the mother and father with respect to children.


bye me. buy me.

p.s-tea leaves today to the cultures pond.
all pallusseas mixed.

dream realism

lately no differenc between dreams r real again. i live therefore i exist or whattsoeverr. ahh! how i thought i'd move my fingers, while on my way. but i still move them. desperately ran here to type something. so that call diversion facilty is activated. its called deliberate fallacy. once i was reading this story about road and all that, i dunno when. but i read. i saw that ones slippers dunno in dream or reality. or in both, may be. and i read so much lately for exams, may be.. thats the most funniest thing i ve ever did: reading for exams. where they examine our reading. how i rhyme?! gabriel syme! he was the man called thursday be gkchectorton. Such a monologous dialog i indulge in! i think i heard this poem lately...

HYSTERIA

aS she laughed I was aware of becoming involved

in her laughter and being part of it, until her

teeth were only accidental stars with a talent

for squad-drill. I was drawn in by short gasps,

inhaled at each momentary recovery, lost finally

in the dark caverns of her throat, bruised by

the ripple of unseen muscles. An elderly waiter

with trembling hands was hurriedly spreading

a pink and white checked cloth over the rusty

green iron table, saying: "If the lady and

gentleman wish to take their tea in the garden,

if the lady and gentleman wish to take their

tea in the garden ..." I decided that if the

shaking of her breasts could be stopped, some of

the fragments of the afternoon might be collected,

and I concentrated my attention with careful

subtlety to this end.

i dunt wanna tell who wrote it, since he's dead famous: dead and famous. t.s.eliot. How much i show off?! deliberate fallacy! deliberate fallacy! i even show off by showing off that that i acknowledge my showing off, again and again! hehe.. its good fun. i ll call it tragic fallacy! cause here the writer meets a tragic end by deliberate showoff. if i'd take pleasure in this very act and amuse myself like i do now then i'd prefer not calling it tragic fallacy cause its not tragic fallacy and there's nothing like tragic fallacy and i just wanna wonder myself about tragic fallacy so that i would
keep intellecualising my acts and indulge my only reader: myself and sometimes you, also: to look upon to me! i like exposing my own crimes here. deliberaly exposethem so that i would feel shy and weep and creep to the depths of my consciounce and write something after that last and. this act ammuses me now and may be always. self apprisal thru selfish self denial and absurd intellectualisation. Mmme!! only if you know how shitty questions they were asked by future journalists who are already journalists cause they possessed mikes and papers and pens and air of postmodernity around them..
then only i would like to despise it.. may be, i should feel happy for it. cause its all show off, not real work.
J-why have you chosen nandagudi?
i-what shit? there's a big banner out there and she's just a cheif gest! and she felt for the cause n all that
she-..............-explains why rama married sita-
it rained and sunned properly. its crazy to not sleep for so many days and still start in the early morning and still attend it and walk around so much-20- and wet in rain and dont possess mony to reach home and feel greedy about agra peta and walk again thru nimhans and walk again and again around and around and wakeup and reach college!adventurous brain! haha.. why do yuo indulge me here many times. ok.ok..
i kept writing all this since yesterday and completed it now, just now..cause i tend to put a pulling stop. abba. . i irritate everything during times likethis. everything including me! sorry everyone i irritated , i did it as part unintentional fallacy. even now i irritate everything including ne, agaain by telling sorry. thats actually good fun. i am lying. no sitting. no wanting to lie and philosophize. anyways/.. its been many days sinnce i wrote this pericular story about a man who was called dog. he never looked like a dog, but that was just a name for him. he had no real name cause everyone thought its not a real name, though he also thought its not his real name. thats a funny thing, to have a name thats not real. dog always wanted to eat bones cause its just a dog but not man. but this real dog never wanted to eat bones cuz he's man. only if he saw his parents, he'd ve aasked them for his real name, though he never saw them. he never saw them cus he was blind. he was blind since he believed that one cant see without eyes. and may be.. thats why he was blind.
my real arguement here is that there's no such thing as... i'm tired again

why it rains?

it rains cuz i wanna eat gobi manchurian and chilli bajji in the evening when it rains
cause i want to take bath and comeout and take bath again.-today is threeday cuz i bathed thrice-
cuz i wanna sleep when it stops raining and run when rainable
lately evening i was reading this essay called is there an indian way of eating!? by kt.ravanujan.

its a very interesting article or whatever peace of shit you might want to call it. here is an excerpt from that essay only :
SodyoWhysky had an exercise for his costumers. He would give them a mundane dish like 'coffee/tea', 'idli/sambar' 'dosa/chutney' 'rice/rasam' etc etc...and ask them to eat it in forty different ways., using spoons, or fingers or other culturally significant and sintagmatic mechanisms. he would go to such an extent, asking his customers to eat idli and chutney with chopsticks.. My question is 'Is there an indian way of eating?', is a good one for such an exercise. Depending on where the dish is placed, it contains many questions at many juxtapositional levels-all of which are real questions-- asked again and again when people eat....

why it rains?

le saffeiare

college exam, exam college. thch. ting ting, ding ding. so so du du. timelessness spacelessness. nothingness. nada. voda. what da?
i finally met it today. what a thing it is?
i am suffering from amblomolioblia lately. its a funny diseace. its all about how amylases in your brain function on their own. may be eveyone suffers from it. i acknowledge it for a simple reason that it acknowledges me too. its not any big disease like cancer or anything. its not even like fever. fever atleast comes in thermometer. this one doesnt come in any meter. it might be discovered later after they ll want to discover it. this disease basically stems out from one's own illnottellwhat. ones own hesitation to lie and ones own hesitation to not lie. lie down on bed, i mean.. not m,e,a,n mean. fish mean. you would want to eat fish before you go to bed. thats a main symptom of this disease. no..no!thats not it! thats not the disease really like. the main symptom is that the infected person writes that he would want to eat fish before he goes to bed. thats a main symptom of this disease.or may be tellin about the symptom of the disease as being a main symptom is that the infected person writes that he would want to eat fish before he goes to bed. thats a main symptom of this disease.may be this is the actual symptom. No!for gods sake! thats not the reason.. where am i taking my fingers' brains? hah! ok! the real disease is mainly about the disease itself. that is to say that the discription of the disease itself is the disease. that is to say, if you have accidentally read this, then you'd also suffer from the same disease and on and so on and etc and etc.
this is no disease since it has no symptoms. and thats the disaese.
oh shit my invisible phone is vibrating./!godo!

..

i(2):walking on road..
he(6): waiting.
2when is she coming man?
6Five.
2shit its 5.50.
6so what? we ll wait for 10 more mins..
2what if she doesnt come even then?
6we ll go back..
2ok.. i ll also wait, chumma.
6that **** is not gonna come. i waited for 50 mins without studying any shit..
2ah. its ok even i dint study.
6ok..i ll order for water.
2wait i'm coming also. i need to buy ear phones
2do you know waiting for godot?
6msg a** back no..?
2phone: waiting for lady godot
6:shit man i wasted one hr..
2good
6look for old ladies..
2have you seen her
6yea.,.in the morning..i asked her to come at 5.. *****she saidshe ll be here by 5.
2wat time you came?
6around five
2may be she came at 5
6do you think she ll come sharp 5 and leave at 5:01
2may be...
6she's an indian man..
2so what?she might ve waited for you till 5:01
6*&$*%&%(%
2hah its ok. how does she look?
6*%^(%^
2how old is she?
6middle age. dark n fat man..
2iss she that one??
6no man!
2that aa?
6no man..
6*********'
6why should she tell 5??****
2i think she ll never come..
6wait 3 more mins man'
2yea..
6shit man..
2what?
6i wasted an hr
2so what? is she that one?
6pchp. ok we ll go off? 1ts 6.04
2yea.. bye man
6bye man
2yea..bye
6bye man
2wat if she come now?
6hah. terrible
2what if?
6no,...i don think she ll come..
2ok
6bye
2....walking...
6...walking...
2eeyyyy!
6thung. what man?
2is she the one?
6who?
2she
2she only
6no man..
2ok bye..

........

may be thats it

how does it matter...

how does it matter, that my....!
science is absurd in some ways, you see..
and so is nada. sans nada. and everything.
how does it matter that my....!
sometimes i tried too.
how could one not be tired?
though psycology exam would take place!tough it is. how can one not write it?

watched harry ptr.

waiting. waiting for godot.

all that we see or seem is but a dream.

...

GOETHE:There would be far less suffering amongst mankind, if men -- and God knows why they are so fashioned -- did not employ their imaginations so assiduously in recalling the memory of past sorrow, instead of bearing their present lot with equanimity.

home

in midst of all rain drops and phone calls, me started off in the usual expected way home. caught some bus which would drop a 70 kms away from my home at middle night. around 11 or twelve. as it did i had to catche a lorry home, within my 100 rupee note. over all travail costs 65+20+25+40!
65 for bang bus. 20 for lorry 25 for one'o clock auto and 40 for bangalore auto.
market(K.R, bangalore): people shouting. selling and buying and buying more to sell. and drenching in rain. mostly below lower middle class non-bangaloreans. all of us, swarming with the water that escaped the drinage cannals thru the rain. and cleanliness! hh. thats out of order here. may be thats the order of the time and place that passed. ,muslims with burkha especially women swarming too, thats a new word in the head-swarming- old thought. muslimised women with burkha under the public toilet roof, trying to escape the rain -too close to my head 'the air from their voices being felt by me. an old spaceless man, probably drunk or doped, standing next to me too close. his beard almost touching mine. many drunk smoked and smoking trying to ejoy the rainy evenig in between these smells and visuals. first you might be irritated. looking at so much of dirt dust smell and black waters. once you are in, i ll have no other option but to have it. see it and finally take pleasure from it like everyone else there. its in a way better. there are no stupid phony things said about, how the future would engulf your past through the faulty cognitions of your fellow beeings.
and after everything the bus dropped me at a place where a lorry would encounter me in a few mesages-smss- of time. not a bad travail. lorrys are always cheap and better.
early morning. no wake up. wakes up at 9ish. finds pomo for beginners book-fine-20rs. das chats. he wants me i ass or something like that. his childhood wish that was. cause of economic and social stimuli he becomes dr. sad. Dr.Freus would say, das early childhood would play a major role in him upon me. now he'd project it on to me and wants me write all sorts of funny competetive exams. let it be. i'd not, anyways. haha. afterall, he has freedom to dream.
kids in locality, -my 3rd class cousins friends n he-very fascinated to see me. they get me some bands to tie eachother and me. i joined their plan of watchin hptr in telugu. at 2'. they wanna go in auto.

moral of the day: love is immoral

what is truth

truth is freedom, freedom truth, ye! that is all one need to know!

i have been living here since time immemorial. freedom i spoke about is freedom of choice. choice i can make to choose or unchoose or abandon choosing itself and choose everything concieveable.

banana shit it is! :)

may be all of us are born free and limitedly free till the disire to freedom is lost and till we free ourselves from freedom. dumb crap! bull crap! social phenomenon hah! norms! its a big machine. all that everything might want us becom: wait! i ll tell. may be we, rebels would finally rebel against ourselves and end up becoming free from freedom itself! rebelling against rebelling itself. thats not true! thats never true! if at all thats true it'd continue cyclously till freedom is born again and again only at a higher levels, progressively!: absurdity it is. well framed absurdity!frameless absurdity. no its not! if its absurdity, what are you? i mean i? there is truth. there is freedom. and one day we would possess it. as absurdly as we loose it. we would start gaining it. freedom of thought is what we might look at. thought cant be like action. but how can i think of certain worldly action that can never exist? acting most freely, absolutely freely, would equate to acting absurdly, acting madly. that would be having complete most completest freeness. thats to act against everything, atleast to be able to act against everything or become a thing thats controlled by nothing: no relegion, no science, no natures laws and nothing! and to prove this to oneself, one might need to act in the most absurd ways possible. acting against everything, atleast to make oneself and everything else know, that the one is absoutely free in its most basic meaning. and proving it further would be the most absurdest thing to do. to irrationally give up freedom itself to realise that one is even free from freedom and everything and ultimately free to act against oneself and break the chains freedom has made for the one. thats real shit. i would not support that point! no i support it at a personnel level may be. no i dont. no i do. no no... absurdly free my hands are. my fingers are. free from myself! is it freedom!? nope! my rationale says sometimes no!, as scientificly as it says yes at times... Any ways. freedom is freedom to think free. that could be possible only after food water and other basics are fueled fulfilled in us. us, everyone.

bueauty rests here

P1000809
Originally uploaded by cglmindia

i mean it!

funny shit

P1000814
Originally uploaded by cglmindia

restricted area

P1000783
Originally uploaded by cglmindia

.....

once upon a time, sometime back some photos, i found

P1000761
Originally uploaded by cglmindia

:)

....

isnt that all we see, or seem but a dream.. within a dream?

some recent, not so really recen pictures i liked. they please my eyes..

and the previous posts i posted before posting this post:)

threads cutted off..

.....

yes. i insist on it. that one has to take pleasures from the pain to taste the pain of pleasure. that makes it look stereotypical. No. i have no problem with a thing being stereotyped. the problem lies in it being a lie unlike truth. 2+2 makes four is not a stereotype.. well, consider it so. even then its not, for some reason, its not a lie. so we can use this stereotype everywhere. here comes the problem again. which i might invent(in the process of discovering -like in that essay-) the problem, a non existing problem, may be. a lie, may be. and thus this itself becomes a stereotype which i would like to unlike (as i mention in the start of essay). that thread gone anyways. why i write? thats the name of g.Orwells essay.
typing fallacies as if intended, though they are consciously unintended. well what ever that really meant to mean. we would be glad to see it happen. i am trying free assosciation, if you really wanna know. a structured free association. thanks to james freud. yours thankingly. thought is like water it flows like coffee and tea, which i read today. how can one read coffee or tea?! haha. like you just read now.-coffee . tea- thats not even unfree association for pigs sake! yes. pig is my favourite animal cause it looks somewhat like a talking dog. the only thing it lacks is vocabulary and grammar. that i'd teach it one day. its much better than mobile phone. ouech.
painful rain touching the ground
like chapathi powder ground with water
waters. what are waters doing on screen?
screaming like brain that paints painful drain of rain?
or teasing the rhyme of rain and pain with a funny train of thought?
who knows?!? not me not you. not god not dog.
romantic rhyme tracing itself through me!
or racing thoughts romancing myself in me?!
pigs dogs and cats. so are thoughts and ideas.
ideals i liked and lived and would live for.
rainy ideals, idle ideals and deleted realities.
its a painy season sometimes like this time when rain rains off the painful pleasures and pleasureless pains.

and then once upon a time there lived i. i typed the above phrases and the story ended cause i dint feel like telling more. and still i wanted to to tell more maybe. if i want it, it'd continue that story of it. if not it would like to end here the story it self.

.......

hah. spite. spite and more spit! gentlemen! you might ask me why i address you gentleman. the only answer i can give you is that i project myself on you. and you on me! spiteful life this is gentleman..! dstvskian style this is. and its hard to be it. once upon a tyme there lived a boy, called illnottellwho. power goes. power comes. electriical power. it doesnt mean anything. why do i name my blog dreams within a dream. ask yourself! and if you cant answer it you are a bastard. dictionarily speaking, there's only one and only one concievable bastard in the dictionary of words and that would be GOD.cause hse is born out of no ma or dad. the most perfect defination of being a bastard. yes. i have nothing against God, but god itself. an non existing nothingness. shit of masses. if that was similar to opium.effect. tribbific! its really thrasmic to think how people cant live without God. power going off ra. internet power. hfuff. i feel kinda ok again. friends, me myself and me after long time. no scope for limits. bye.

tomorrows diary:

I might get up early eight/sevenish in the morning. probably the reason i get up is to brush my teeth and body like i did during my 18 or 19 year old monologue. and it would almost continue itself forever.yes! i insist on it. forever.! the notion of forever as far as i conceive is only till onemoment after my mental nonexistence. so, forever i would live and continue my monologue till forever. this very thought i might think tomorrow aswell. its equally possible that current might go off now and i i forget this idea forever., that is not remember it as long as i live. its funny to do discourse analysis of thys. Big words! haha! bbc. by by comrd.

enough yet not enough..

all my posts starts or try starting with certain ambiguity but. nltpl once says to me friend 'there's nothing wrong or surprising in his ambiguity. he is...idontrememberwhat'. any ways. its been long since i did story telling. well people died there in AP for lands. shot by police. history repeats. or may be historians know only few words. now what shit does that mean? fish! headlines: hunger strike of mother ends, finally no tragedy' they were doing it for a real cause. no chumma. that would be a nice thing. may be thats a nice thing to know. but as a perfectionist i end up in nothingness. thats a phonyiest quote i ve ever seen. that quote nothing is perfect. stupid! stupidity! who knows. A is perfect. if i type A only A comes. not B or small a. is not it perfection. somethings are necessarily perfect. thats a stupid argument though. i cant just sit at a place doing onething properly. thats not so unnatural with me, but its unnatural that that trait of mine, starts becomming knowledge and myself typing it all here. what a world it is?! as you might see these

to day

woke up not so early. remembering werther.:-P. he 's been fine chap. is this a dream i am in now again? second day after blogging fifth day after dreaming. who knows. who all knows what all?! not all knows not all. now the images split. things around. as they are trying to, now! i avoiding it.
once there was this cow. this moo cow of jj. shit man. its splits again. i would do all this to only to illnottellanyways. well i might as well be an image of somewone's head. if not someone, anyone. like images of my own head that seem to exist with me without their own free will. well for the sur, its n ot true. bad english boy! haha. i feel good. after long i do. arent i like a thing like all other things like that idea in that
www.clearblogs.com/nomore/ . thats a quiet old idea. anyway still it persists here and ther. somewhat. somehow. somewhy i know not. who would want to write all that brain feels the way it feels in its rudest crudest way, not including indulgence of languiagic norms. its quiet stupid to do so. butt well i think i like it. i still like it. what am i liking. haha, if i dont lift my head now, from the keys i would not know. its good fun anyways.not so much but still fun to some what extent, if i can extend it. it says: now blogger saves your drafs automatically.! yes! thats the most important thing i can think of, now. it saves. thats understood. but how can it save. can it save money. can it save me from typing all this. can it save itself from saving all this i am typing.?! well. the simple answer is it cant! it cont!:D haha. i like tickling myself! hauhau..!well everyone like ticking oneself, the only thing is they dont do it. because i dont know. i dont know because i dint never tickle myself under my hands ever., though i like that feeling now sometimes. i thinkle myself so that i know that i exist and i am not a dream or thought in anyones head. though the thinkling itself might be irreal like splits i see in things around at time so irreally.! and thoughts that come off in my head during theses times like this time. no resistance given to brain from ego or idigo or indigo or logo also. that looks funny. well its not really fun anyways to think so randomly in this keyhoard. yes i say keyhoard. i would also call it other names. so what. i wish i could type looking at screen. well i dont think i can., cause the screen is hot and it burning., well., this secret noone knows and i wish to forget it, myself too. its not a very good idea to know such trivial secrets. bastard only knows how trivial it is. why do they call this bastard thing as mouse. may be because they saw mice coming out of it when they wanted to name it mouse. and its good to prefer calling all the mouses in this shop as mice rather than mouses. bandicoots should have come out of that first mouse. what fun?! we would have had a bandicoot -i dunno spelling anyways- near every computer. oh!sick! laptops would have had mice then, because mouses or mice would have started to come out of them. even now one can really suspect that bandicoots might come out of laptops any moment just because mice are near computers- i call desktops as computers, cause i think they are computers, unlike laptops.,(laptops are suitcase computers, if you really wanna know.well they changed the name without my knowledge after my 3rd class, but the truth is that they are suitcase computers(thats what i called them when i first saw them)., well i lost the thread typing all that)..so laptops yeah! suitcase computers, thats what they are for a simple reason that they look like suitcases. its a question of ethics, sincierely speaking.. .how can one mislead his/her own senses? that thing looks like a suitcase and you can open and close it and there is a computer inside. how much more proof one needs? to not cheat the very perceiption, that it looks like a computer insise a suitcase., so call it suitcase computer., its highly wrong to call it laptop ,for a simple reason that there is no lap or top inside the suitcase computer. well., you might want to call it suitcase desktop.!thats a problematic prportion for a simple reason that there is no desk or top inside it.so..so.. call it suitcase computer. i think these are living things like us. the only difference being, that they dont respond to whatever you stimulate them with.thats the only difference science cant prove to you. they even think like us, if i want to be more presice. that i can prove it to you unlike science. how? we might wonder. here i use logic of rene descartes an idontremember century philosopher. i think he said long back, one philosophically well accepted statement, that says 'i think, therefore i exist'. dont i think computers exist.? yes they exist. thats the whole thing. Computers exist.therefor they think.! haha. funny deduction. i need eat som bread with butter with out beard.. shh!dont disclose secrets of this nature as i mentioned in my above theaeseas to anyone. its a secret that davinci preserved which i learnt recently from a secret society that meets in CC109 not possibly everypossibleday here near to this place. there ends my dairy of the one year which i would have never typed, for a symple -yes!-symple reason that its not simple to do so!

now. yes. its moving. whats it to dream here. to not know if this is not really a dream. ? ! delirium.
may be i am just a thought in someone's head like Sophie.i can see that double split around.. though its hard to concentrate.!